Hard Choice
by sweetooth
Summary: AU pre miniserie. A major change in the relationship of Kara and Lee before the attaque could mean a lot for the fate of the human race.KL
1. Chapter 1

**HARD CHOICE**

Pairing: K/L

Summary: AU pre mini-serie. A major change in the relationship of Kara and Lee before the attaque could mean a lot for the fate of the human race.

Disclaimer: I do not own battlestar galactica nor any of its characters.

**Chapter 1**

"Sir, Lieutenant Thrace just arrived. She is requesting permission to visit the commander, sir."

Commander William Adama listened with great interest to the last information his petty officer had related. This was not totally unexpected, after all Kara Thrace had served under his command for a few months; however they had not parted in the best of terms. Her eagerness to see him was thus a little surprising and the meeting promised to be rather tensed.

"Tell her that she is to report to my quarters after the pilots briefing."

"Yes Sir." He was about to dismissed the petty officer when he remembered to ask him one last thing.

"Do you known when my son is due to arrive?"

"No sir, but I can asked."

"I want to be informed as soon as his viper is in approach. That'll be all petty officer, dismissed." If this order had confused the petty officer it did not show. He was well trained and refrained from asking any explication to his superior. But the fact that he and his eldest son did not get along was no secret among the crew of the Galactica and he was sure that this last order would give the gossips plenty to talk about in the next few days. He smiled to himself; at least they would have something other than the decommissioning ceremony on their mind.

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Kara was playing triade and smoking a cigar. Gods she had missed this. She was allowed to be for a few hours the fearless Starbuck once more. Starbuck, one of the best pilots of the fleet who did not fear saying to a superior ass hole that he was indeed an ass hole to his face and be damn with the consequences. Starbuck who had no responsibilities, no one depending on her. She had thought that she had long since finished mourning for her old life, but the bout of nostalgia that was at the moment assaying her seemed to prove otherwise. Giving herself a shake she focused all her attention back to the present.

"So Starbuck did you miss us?" Helo asked her with a cheeky grin.

"Nah! Not really, who would missed bunking in a room full of jack ass?" she replied smirking.

"And how do you enjoy your new post Lieutenant?" Colonel Tight asked. They had never been able to get along. He was a drunkard whom she could not respect and he saw her as a hot headed pilot who never obeyed her superiors. During her brief stay aboard Galactica they had come to blow several times. She knew he was goading her into giving him an excuse to send her into hack. But she had changed, had learned to control herself, beside today was too important for her to ruin it because she wanted to hit a superior ass hole.

"I like it sir, thank you for asking. It gives me time do things I never could as a pilot."

"I am sure it does." He grumbled. She saw boomer surprised look at her lack of reaction.

"Snap your jaw shut boomer and lay down your cards. Let's see if I can still rob you of a few cubits." She finished her cigar sending the smoke in Tight's face before gathering her winning. Helo reached out to take a look at her cards and made a disgusted face. "How do you do that?"

"That's my secret. You never know, you might discover it one day, don't loose hope." He pulled out the lollipop in his mouth and stuck his tongue out. "

"Oh, that's very mature of you Helo." She laughed. "Now if you'll excuse me children, I have a briefing to attend to."

On her way to the pilots briefing room she felt her heart race and her palm becoming clammy. She had not flown a viper since about a year and a half but that was not the reason of her nervousness. Lee was. He was due to arrive for the briefing. They had not seen each other in three months and if she was lucky he had managed to arrive early and she would enjoy some private time with her husband. God she had missed him. She couldn't wait for his comition to come to an end so they could finally live together as a family.

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Lee knocked on the hatch of his father's quarters. He had arrived a few minutes ago a little early and had been looking forward to a little private time with Kara before they were both separated by their respective duty. But as soon as he had stepped on the hangar deck the chief had informed him of his father's wishes to see him. He had no idea what it was about, they barely could stand being in the same room since the fiasco with Kara a year and a half ago. They hadn't even talk since that time and Lee was only present today because he had been ordered to and because it would give him an occasion to see his family sooner than planned.

"Commander?" No one was there; just great he had missed the opportunity to be reunited with Kara for this. He felt the usual rage at his father thoughtlessness start in the pit of his stomach. He looked around the place; everything was neat and clean, the epitome of a high ranking officer quarter. On the desk he saw several pictures, family picture of a time long lost when to the world they all appeared perfectly happy. After a moment he felt his father gaze on his back. Turning around he stared back.

"You've asked to see me commander?"

"Hello Lee. How are you?" Lee felt his temper rose.

"Is that why I am here? So that you can ask me how am I doing? You must be kidding me? You had a year and a half to ask me that." He almost yelled. The Commander did not react.

"We have to start somewhere, don't you think? I missed you." He said softly.

"Well you're the one who've caused the rift between us. You could have done otherwise. But I am used to your ways, what I can't forgive is the way you treated Kara. She did not deserve it. So maybe you've missed me but as you've taught me one has to assume the consequences of his acts." He did not let his father reply before asking "Will that be all because I have a briefing and I would like to see my wife and daughter before it." He saw his father hesitation but he must have made quite an impression because he was allowed to leave with no further argument.

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TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Two years ago…

_He smelled of a mélange of __ambrosia and spicy cologne. His hair was messy, his uniform was wrinkled and he was beautiful. It must have been the alcohol because she had never looked at Lee this way. He had always been a friend, Zack's older brother. But tonight he wasn't the safe serious guy with whom one could talk of vipers and play cards, no tonight he was different, dangerous. He laughed at a rowdy jock one of the guy at their table uttered and suddenly she wanted to kiss him, badly. _

"_Come on Apollo, it's your turn to deal." _

"_No, I think I'll call it a night. I've got an early start tomorrow morning. Don't want to miss my shuttle."_

"_Are you kidding me? You're the one who dragged me here and now you'll leave me all alone with those strangers?! It's not really gentlemanly of you." She gave him a pout. _

"_I am sure you can handle them Starbuck, after all you were the one bragging a few moments ago that you could throw a punch better than anyone here."_

"_Yeah, well maybe I should be the one to escort you home, you know just in case someone tries to attack you." He had already put his jacket on, winters on Caprica were not exactly cold but in the dead of the night it could be quite chilly. _

"_I am sure I can manage on my own but if you want to keep me company, then you're welcome." She stumbled on her feet and almost fell. He caught her arm to steady her and then led her toward the exit, his hand hovering at the small of her back. She felt her pulse quicken, her breathing becoming shallow. Desire shot straight through her. God what was she thinking, she was already taken and supposedly in love with the man's brother. True she hadn't seen him in several months nor had she had any news for that matter. But it was something she had expected; he was training to become a tactical officer aboard a battlestar and she was well placed to know how hard it could be to get a private phone call aboard a ship. But letters were not hard to write and to send. She shook her head trying to clear her thoughts._

_They had been walking in silent for a while, Kara a few paces in front of him. She was acting weird tonight, she was drunk true but he had often seen her drunk and she was not as exuberant nor as talkative as usual._

"_You're ok there? You're pretty quiet."_

"_Humm" She nodded, but did not elaborate. _

"_Ok. We're almost there, next__ turn on the left." He had not seen her since Zack's departure for his training mission. They always managed to keep in touch, usually one of their common acquaintances transmitted a message or a letter coming from the other, sometime there was a phone call but he always knew how she was doing. She had just been promoted to full Lieutenant and had been granted a transfer aboard a battlestar. After receiving her excited message he had promised her that he would come down planet side for his next down time and that they would celebrate this promotion like it was due. And here they were three days of catching up and heavy drinking latter and he found himself reluctant to leave her._

"_Do you want to come up for one last drink?"_

"_I…I don't think it would be a good idea." Her voice was hesitant but she quickly got hold of herself. "After all you do have an early fly and I wouldn't want to be the one depriving you of your beauty sleep. It wouldn't be fair to all your groupies if you failed to appear at your best for your goodbyes." It was an old joke between them dating from the time he had been force to give lectures at the academy. Several cadets had started following him around like puppies and Kara had had the idea of calling them the 'Lee Adama Fan Club'. For days she had tormented him with it, helped by his little brother and if he hadn't known better he would have sworn that she had been jealous. The fact that she brought that up now of all times proved that she was not as serene as she wanted to appear._

"_Yes we wouldn't want that now, would we?" He smiled softly. She refused to look him in the eyes so when they stopped in front of his rooms he raised her chin with one finger and was surprised to see her blush. They stayed this way staring at one another for a while. _

"_So I guess this is goodbye, at least until next time." He said._

"_No goodbyes Lee! You ought to know that by now!" He chuckled at her indignation "Ok, so I'll see you around. Is that better?" She took him aback when she threw her arms around his neck and gave him a crushing hug. He had barely reciprocated the embrace when she released him. "If you ever talk about that to anyone I'll kill you." And then she walked away leaving him standing dumbstruck in the middle of the hallway. _

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Present time

She was talking with the temporary nanny well if you could call a gunny a nanny when he finally found her. He had no idea how she had managed to convince a jarhead of babysitting a three month old baby but he wasn't about to complain at having the elite of the fleet guarding his daughter. He stayed at the door taking this opportunity to study her. She had regained her figure since he last saw her but soft motherly curves were still present, her hair was longer than he had ever seen it. All in all she looked good to eat. He let his wandering mind run freely, several very agreeable scenarios popping in before he reined it under control.

Kara must have sensed his presence and turned around. They stayed silent looking at each other, none of them moving. She bit her lips and then a smile split her face. The gunny cleared his throat and said "I'll be on my way then. I'll see you latter." Kara only nodded. The gunny had barely stepped out of the room before he had her in his arms, inhaling her scent, running his hands all over her body and finally kissing her. If it had been up to him he would never let her go, unfortunately it wasn't. Very reluctantly he released her.

"God I missed you."

"I missed you too! I missed you too!"

"Where have you been? I have been looking for you for the better part of an hour!"

"I am sorry, the Commander asked to see me." Kara frowned.

"Why?"

"He wanted to kiss and make up." Lee said sarcastically.

"He wanted to excuse himself. That's great Lee!"

"No, no excuse. He just wanted to say that he had missed me." He saw Kara's face fell. He knew that she felt guilty about his fall out with his father and that she secretly wished they would reconcile even if it meant that she would have to face censure every time they saw each other.

"Did you at least let him talk?"

"No. As far as I am concerned he lost the right to miss me the moment he said that Adria was a mistake and you…" She held up her hand stopping him before he went any further.

"Don't Lee! There is no point in saying it again… We'll discuss it latter, ok?"

"There is nothing to discuss, what is done is done." She stepped away from him and straightened herself.

"He is your dad Lee and Adria's grandfather. Whether you like it or not one day you'll have to forgive him because my baby girl will have a loving family!"

"I… I am sorry I didn't want to upset you." He tried to reach out to take her hand in his but she refused to let him.

We have a meeting to attend to Captain. You can go and see Adria before our flight she'll be in the visitors' quarter with the Gunny." He stayed silent his jaw clenched tightly shut. She turned around and left him standing alone in the middle of the room.

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TBC


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

She was pissed. Lee was a stubborn bastard with a stick up his asses. His protectiveness was one of the reason that made him so loveable but his inability to accept that everyone made mistakes was kind of nerve wrecking. It wasn't as if they were blameless themselves, far from it.

If not for Adria she wouldn't insist so much on this reconciliation, but she knew what it was like to grow up without a family and she wanted more for her child.

She needed to cool down enough before the beginning of the briefing, to be able to focus all of her attention on the CAG's directions. She had not flown since she had found out that she was pregnant and she needed to put her head back in the game. She was in the process of taking slow deep breaths when she fond herself face to face with Zak Adama.

"What are you doing here?" He was the first to recover from the shock of teir meeting. His tone was aggressive, this one sentence carrying all the hostility he felt against her. "Were you even invited?"

"Your brother and I were ordered to fly in the decommissioning ceremony Zak."

"Of course! Lee is here." He scoffed. "Still playing happy family with him? He didn't catch you cheating on him yet?" There was bitterness but also disgust in his speech.

"It's neither the time nor the place Lieutenant. Now I am awaited somewhere and I am sure you too have things to do. So let me pass please." Anger was rising inside of her, he had the right to be angry at her even to hate her, but he had no right attacking her family. She had gained self-control over the past year but this was the one subject off limit.

"Nothing has change I see. Still running away from your responsibilities? Poor kid I don't know how she'll grow up with a mother like you…" She punched him, hard.

"You know nothing about me or my daughter Zak. Don't ever talk as if you did."

A gunny who had been standing near by was walking toward them with a mean look on his face. Oh crap! Lee was going to kill her.

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She had grown so much. It was amazing. The last time he had held her in his arms she had been a scrap of humanity; a few days old baby girl who grabbed his finger and held on for dear life while watching him through blurry blue eyes. Now she was wide awake following his every movement with her eyes and babbling non sense away. He had feared that she would be scared of him; after all he was a stranger to her. She had not. She had studied him from her crib with a quite serious expression set on her little face and then given him a bright sunny smile. Kara had sent him numerous pictures of the baby, pictures of Adria breastfeeding, of her in the bath, of her sleeping. The last one had been of her first smile and watching this one had been like receiving a punch in the stomach.

_Two weeks ago_

"_Kara Thrace speaking." She was whispering as if not to disturb someone._

"_Kara, it's me."_

"_Lee!" He could picture her in his mind, straightening in her chair, focusing all of her attention on him. Just hearing her voice soothed him. He took a deep breath and was almost able to smell her perfume. "Lee? You're ok?"_

"_I… Yes, it's good to hear your voice, that's all. I miss you and Adria so much sometime that it hurts." She seemed to understand immediately what was bothering him. _

"_You received the pictures, didn't you?"_

"_Yes I did. She's amazing, as beautiful as her mother." He grew quiet, only the sound of their breath could be heard through the phone. "I am missing so much Kara. She seems to be doing new things everyday and I am not here. I am a stranger to my own daughter and I had promised myself that it would never happen."_

"_Listen__ to me Lee! You're not your father do you hear me? I know that, you know that and I am making damn sure that Adria knows it too. I am going to put the phone to her ear and you're going to talk to your daughter."_

"_What am I going to talk about Kara? She is two and a half month old."_

"_She loves to hear about vipers" she said dismissively "Anyway it's not so much about what you say. It's about the sound and the rhythm of your voice. She recognizes it you know. I always put you on speaker when you phone and she calms down when she hears you." That made him smile. The always unsecured Kara Thrace was now the one reassuring him. What had the world come to he wondered. But she was the one with their daughter everyday; she surely knew better than him. So he started talking and after a little while he heard Adria cooing over the line. _

"_See, she's telling her daddy that she loves him a whole lot. And mommy loves him too."_

"_I love the both of you so much."_

"_You have to hold down a little while longer Lee. You'll be able to resign your commission in six months and then I'll quit too and we'll open this bar you've been dreaming of for so long. Beside I have a good news for you.' She finished teasingly._

"_A good news, hum? What can of good news can get you so excited?"_

"_I have been invited by the CAG to take part in the decommissioning ceremony of the Galactica. So you'll see the both of us pretty soon."_

"_Are you kidding me? Well at least one good thing will come out of it."_

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Where the hell was she! She had not been at the briefing witch meant that she would not be flying. And Kara would never miss an occasion to fly even for a "stupid ceremony". And this stupid ceremony had brought back in her voice a sparkle he had not heard in month. He had looked everywhere he could think of, the only place left was the hack. But he could not resolve himself to the fact that his wife had once again manage to end up in hack. She had calmed down quite a lot since Adria's birth and she wouldn't have taken the risk of leaving her baby alone if not for a very good reason. He entered the brig and dismissed the gunny. And there she was doing pushups as if she hadn't a care in the world. He watched her for a while admiring her forms before clearing his throat. She stood up, brushing her hands on her pants, watching him with wary eyes. He smiled but kept staring.

"Are you going to yell at me anytime soon?"

"Nope."

"Nope, that's all you have to say? Nope?" She sounded indignant He grinned.

"Well you're in hack, nothing new to me. I never yelled at you for that before why would I begin now? Beside you in hack and me rescuing you is how it all begin, brings back lots of good memories." The look on her face was murderous and he was pretty sure that the bars between them were the only things keeping her from doing him bodily harm.

"Are you going to ask me why I ended up here?"

"You hit a superior asshole?" He asked innocently. But the joke was lost on her, she remained serious.

"Actually I hit your brother. Zak." The color drained from his face.

"Zak's here?" He asked incredulous,

"Yes, I imagine that he was invited to participate in the ceremony, just as you were. He was pretty offensive so I retaliated. He made some disagreeable remarks on my parenting skills. Talking about parenting, I think Adria will need me or more accurately my boobs pretty soon. Do you think you could manage to smuggle her in here?" She had lost his attention the moment she had mention Zak, she knew it but kept on talking to diffuse the tension. Zak was one of the touchy subjects between them. They had betrayed him and the guilt would always be there between them. She stopped talking, giving him time to digest the information.

"I'll try to talk to him, see if he'll drop the charge." He said grimly.

"Good luck with that"

"It's worth a try anyway. I'll bring down Adria to you. She might as well get used to being behind bars. After all if she is anything like you, it'll happen to her at least once or twice in her life time." She gave him a weak smile. Her encounter with his brother had obviously shaken her up a lot more than she wanted to admit it. He wanted to take her in his arms but settled with taking her hands in his. A complete conversation passed between them in the look they exchanged. Releasing her hands he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, caressed her check and left.

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TBC…


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

_A year and a half ago_

_Lying under her viper, the smell of o__il mixing with the one of sweat, the humming sound of the machines reasoning in her ears, this was what she called heaven on earth. Well at least her heaven. _

_She was grounded, once again, and this place was the only thing keeping her from going__ insane .It was all because of Lee. He had managed to send a message informing her that he would be aboard the Atlantia in a few days and thus had also managed to screw with her head. _

_Every time someone walked into a room she was expecting Lee to appear. Her already erratic behavior had become even more unpredictable. She was unable to sleep if she wasn't drunk and unfortunately for her the CAG didn't agree with that kind of soothing method. All in all she was a mess. And the most infuriating thing was that she was loosing her mind over a guy who wasn't even her boyfriend._

_The memories of that evening month ago __had not faded away it seemed. They were coming back to beat her in the ass. She had attributed the awkwardness of that night to her drunken state but something much deeper must have triggered their behavior. The same thing that often had her awaking all sweaty and aroused, the last images of a fleeting dream floating in her mind. Images of her and her best friend ending the soirée in a much different way than it had ended in reality. The thing that made her keep the few letters of him she had received over the years carefully stocked and hidden in her locker even thought she never read them. She felt guilty and vulnerable, she was loosing control. But most of all she felt impuissant because no matter what, someone was bound to get hurt by this impossible situation. And it pissed her off to no end._

_And where the hell was that screwdriver. God this day __couldn't get any worse, she thought as she rolled out from under the viper's belly in search of her missing tool. Apparently it could get worse, because when she looked up she found herself looking straight into the blue eyes of one Captain Apollo. He had that mocking smile plastered on his face, that kind of secret smile that always made her want to smack him behind the head. She, however, did not move, just sat there on the floor staring at him ignoring the hand he was offering to help her get up. _

"_You know lieutenant, I am not contagious. I've even been told a few times that I was quite attractive. But if you keep staring at me like I have some sort of weird disease, I am going to have to think that I've been lied too my whole life." He told her teasingly "I am sure you wouldn't want to disabuse me so brutally Kara, would you?" ha added more softly. That shook her out of her dazed state._

"_Nah, I wouldn't be so cruel. I'll tell your brother to do it for me, coming from a male this should be less vexing, don't you think?" she gave him a wide grin and finally stood up accepting his help. But she did not release his hand quite as fast as she should have and if not for her overacting imagination these days, she would have sworn that she felt his thumb caressing her hand before letting it go._

"_So what are you doing here Captain?__ Are you here for business or for fun?" It was a simple question but Lee's reaction told her there was more to it that meet the eyes. _

"_That's what I need to tell you about Kara__."_

"_Is there a problem Lee? Are you ok? Is Zak ok?" _

"_No, no, don't worry. I am ok. And Zak's ok too." But everything wasn't ok as he put it. His whole demeanor screamed that something was wrong. What was Lee hiding? Did it have anything to do with Zak? A year had passed since he had left for training and the news she received were sparse. Up until now she hadn't been worried, Zak was not fond of writing and tactical officers were not often put in danger, especially in time of peace. Beside she had always guessed that if anything important happened to him Lee or the Commander would manage to reach her. _

"_Look Lee, why don't you join me in the bunkroom after my shift? The others should be on CAP or playing triad or something… so it should be pretty calm in there."_

"_I…right. I'll meet you there. And Kara, just for the record, I missed you."_

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_Lee had made himself comfortable in the visitors' quarters. He had not slept in a while and the exhaustion was starting to get its toil on him. He had a decision to make. A life altering and potentially a life threatening decision and as usual he was unable to shut down his thoughts to let sleep overtake him. They had given him a month to think it through and here he was three and a half weeks later and not one bit closer to having made his choice. Maybe Kara would help him or maybe not, but he needed to share this with her. _

_He had not been surprised that the CAG had grounded her. Putting her in the brig had never worked but not allowing her to fly might do the trick. He started reminiscing some of Kara's exploits and caught himself with a silly grin on his face._

_God he needed to stop thinking of her as his, she was not his. She was his brother's. Nothing could happen between them, he had woken up a little too latte for that to happen. He would watch her marry his brother and maybe, if Zak managed to convince her, become an uncle too her children. _

_He had never had any problem with women, he just had to smile and they fell i__nto his arms. Not that he had ever taken advantage of his looks; he had had a few relatively steady relationships throughout the years. But lately something had shift inside of him, he only was interested in one woman, the only woman he could never had. And he was lonely; he had not dated a woman since that night on Caprica and was in great need of female companionship._

_Coming here had not been a good idea, as soon as his eyes had fallen on her form the longing had increased ten folds and now he also had to fight the desire to take her in his arms and show who was the better man as well. But if he took the mission he could not leave without having seen her one last time._

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"_So what do you need to tell me that is so important you thought it couldn't be said over the phone?" She was direct, but she knew Lee and attack was the best way to have her answers quickly. _

_She had come straight from the hangar, not even taking the time to take a shower or change and was regretting it now. She must look a fright and all of a sudden she did not like having Lee see her like this, witch was completely ridiculous since he must have seen her in even less flattering states at least a thousand times._

_He wasn't looking much better she thought after glancing at him. He had dark circle under his eyes, he must forget to shave and his uniform was wrinkled. Very unlike Lee, and another sign that something was up with him. She nudged his knees so she could seat next to him on the rack. If it was bad news at least she would be sitting._

"_You have to promises me not to repeat this conversation to anyone. Anyone Kara, not even Zak. What I am about to tell you is classified" _

"_I… All right I won't repeat a thing. Lee, you're starting to freak me out. Are you in trouble?" He racked a hand through his already messy hairs and exhaled._

"_I've been selected to be part of a delta force team. I can't tell you much about the mission save that it could last six month to one year and that it could be really dangerous."_

_The moment he had said delta force her heart had stopped. Those teams were the elite of the fleet, composed of pilots and marines who run all kind of undercover operations, who tracked terrorists down and all in all did the jobs no one else wanted to do and that the government wanted to keep secret. Their mortality rate was extremely high, some of their members simply disappeared off the face of the planets, no one ever knowing what had happened to them. She was the kind of hotheaded pilots they usually recruited: she loved taking risks, had no problems with breaking the rules and had no family. But Lee… Gods he could die. _

"_They've given me a month to give them my response. Kara? Are you listening to me?" She was as pale as a sheet, gripping the edge off the bunk as if her life depended on it. "Kara, talk to me please." He said softly. He wanted to put an arm around her shoulders but restrained from doing so. "I think I am going to say yes Kara." She stood up violently and walked toward the other side of the room. He could see her taking deep breaths. _

"_You're not going." She whispered. "You're not going you stupid frackhead. I am not goanna loose you." Her voice had risen progressively and she was almost screaming now. "I forbid you to go, do you hear me? I forbid you!" _

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_TBC..._


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

_A year and a half ago_

_She had been sitting on that chair for what seemed like hours. She had not uttered a word, her gaze was fixed on the rack they had been sitting on before her explosion. The only thing revealing that she was still alive was the sound of her breathing._

_He didn't know what to do. When he had told her about the __delta force he had certainly not expected this kind of reaction. She was Starbuck after all. He had expected her to tease him mercilessly to tell him he wasn't made for the job or even to be excited, but not her going crazy on him. He had given up on trying to get her to talk and just sat there waiting for her to act. _

"_Why would you want to go in the first place anyway? Gods, you've just been promoted to full captain and could start your training to become a CAG. Are you doing it to piss off your dad? Because that would be pretty pathetic." It was said so quietly, as if she was talking to herself and did not require any answer._

"_I don't like my job Kara. I've been feeling restless for a good long while now and if I could I'd leave the military altogether. Unfortunately I still own them two years, two years of feeling miserable." He looked up to see if he still had her attention. He did, she was looking at him with this dumbstruck look on her face, one that would have made him laugh in other circumstances. "I didn't take this decision lightly. I've been through it over and over again and I always reach the same conclusion: if I have to stay in the military I might as well see some action and do something useful for once. I've come to term with it after seeing you in the hangar bay." _

"_But you might get killed you stupid fool." _

"_Yes I might, just as I could die tomorrow landing my viper. Life is a risk Kara, you're the one who taught me that."_

"_Yes, but if I die no one will mourn me. Did you think of Zak or your mum and dad. Did you think of me?!"_

"_First of all you have people who would mourn you Kara, your fiancé, me, your fellow pilots. But I'd never stop you from doing what you want because it's dangerous, I'd never prevent you from living your life to its fullest." He was on his knee in front of her and could see the tears in her eyes. He had never seen Kara cry for anything and was at lost for words._

"_Come here." He gathered her in his arms, tucked her head in the crook of his neck and started rocking her as he would a child. She did not weep nor did she shed a tear but she held him so tightly it hurt. She was the one to pull away. She cupped his check and stared at him as if she was memorizing every line of his face. "If you die on me I'll find you in hell and kick your asses." _

_She had just given him the all clear. A great weight lifted of his chest. _

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Present time

"We need to talk little brother."

"You might have knocked. It would have saved me the disagreeable task of throwing you out. Now if you please, go away. I don't want to have anything to do with you. And I certainly don't want to talk." He had not turned around but his back was rigid, with rage Lee assumed.

"My wife is behind bars because of you so whether or not you like it we'll talk. Don't turn around on my behalf; I'll make myself at ease." He went to take a chair and sat, studying his surrounding he added "Not that I have all the time in the world but hey I can't leave my three month old daughter rote in prison. I think she's a wee bit young for that even if she is half a Thrace." Only silence answered him.

"Oh, so now you're giving me the silent treatment. Suit yourself. I only whish you had done the same with Kara, she might not have hit you then and we wouldn't have to be in the same room."

"Anyway I don't know what you're so offended about. She did nothing that you hadn't done before. Only she had the guts to come clear with it. You didn't, so you get to have the good role and play the offended and wounded poor little boy while she gets to be the bitch and feel the weight of guilt."

He was expecting the blow that came crashing on his face; he did not try to avoid it but hell he had forgotten how much it hurt.

"I loved her you son of a bitch! I loved her and you took her away from me!"

"If you had loved her as you claim you would have done everything in your power to stay in contact with her and you wouldn't have cheated on her." He touched his cheekbone and winced.

"Yeah well if you're such a saint why don't you tell her that she has nothing to fell guilty about." Zak snarled.

"Because I won't be the one telling her that the first man she ever loved and trusted was nothing but a boy who couldn't keep his pants up. I'd rather have her feel guilty than cheap and unwanted. Because as much as I hate to admit it, you made her happy and taught her that opening up to someone does not always end up with that someone betraying you."

Zak had the decency to look away. "But I did." He said flatly.

"Yes you did." Lee answered his voice as cold as a winter storm. "Now if you'll excuse me I have to see the Doc and then press charges against you for assaulting a superior officer. I am not sure it'll look very good on your file, what with you being assigned to a battlestar pretty soon and all that. Of course I might be inclined to drop the charges if you do the same for Kara."

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"Open the cell and leave us alone." Lee ordered the guard. He had just landed his viper and was still in his fly suit. The decommissioning ceremony was over but somehow he had thought that he would have a little time before having to leave Galactica. Unfortunately he had received orders to escort the colonial government transport back to Caprica and its departure was due in an hour. He was here to say goodbye. Once again.

Kara was nursing, so absorbed in the baby she did not looked up when he walked in. He went to sit next to her and pulled her to him, Kara automatically shifted so that her back rested on his chest, his whole body cocooning her and the baby. He kissed her head and watched silently as his daughter sucked on her mother breast. "It's still as amazing as the first time I saw the two of you like that."

"You wouldn't be as amazed at tree o'clock in the morning I bet. But you're right it's amazing that the two of us managed to create this perfect and innocent being." He reached to caress the baby's head.

"You're leaving, aren't you?" He nodded. "When?"

"In about fifty minutes." She stayed quiet. "It won't be for very long this time. I intend to hand them my resignation as soon as possible."

"Yeah right, like they're going to let you go on your merry way with the training and record you have."

"They promised Kara, and if they need a little nudge to hasten the process I'll remind Admiral Nagala what he owes me."

"Blackmail Lee? I have such a good influence on you. You're a real good student." She said mischievously.

"You're a very good teacher." The mood had lightened up a bit. They had gotten used to separations and the best way to get through it was to suck it up and think about the future.

"Here, take her she's finished and need to burp." She stood up and put the baby in his arms. He had only done this a few times but remembered the basics maneuvers. He raised Adria against his shoulder and rubbed circles on her back. After two minutes the task was completed and the baby was drowsing on his shoulder.

"You're a natural with her. It took me weeks before getting the hang of it." Lee brushed a kiss on Adria's forehead and went to put her in the makeshift crib.

"You'll be out of here soon. I convinced Zak to drop the charges." Seeing her curiosity he added "Don't ask me how, please."

"Alright Mr. Miracles, come here then, so I can give you a proper kiss." She grazed her lips against his, slowly building the tension between them, the sensation was maddening. After a while he got enough of her teasing and wrenched her fully against him and deepened the kiss, caressing her length feeling the weight of her breast against his palm. If not for the lack of time he would have taken her there and then. She was the one to pull apart. She caressed his hairs one last time and pushed him away/

"Now go!" She ordered "And good hunting."

"I'll see you around" he said and walked away never turning back.

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_Not quite a year and a half ago_

_They had walked for days under the rain and in the cold. He was covered in mud from head to toe and right at this instant was regretting his decision to join a delta force unit. He had known that the training he would have to endure would push him to his physical and mental limits. When he had integrated the unit the colonel had told him "We have to break you before rebuilding you, stronger and sharper than you ever were." But right now was not the moment to have second thoughts._

_He had been inform__ed that they would leave in forty eight hours to execute the first part of the operation for witch he had been recruited. Those last hours would be occupied with committing to memory the last details of the mission. He was going to take a long hot shower, a luxury to witch he had not had access for the past month and then he was up for a meeting with the colonel. There had been some changes made by the tactical team and the viper squadron was apparently the first concerned. _

_When he entered the pilots' ready room an hour later, he was surprised to see that it was empty except for the colonel who was standing in the podium watching a monitor._

"_Sir?"_

"_Have a seat Captain" the colonel indicated looking up "we're still waiting for someone but I have things to tell you before this person arrive."_

_Lee had taken a seat on the front row and the colonel joined him there. The plan of a ship appeared on the central screen. Lee knew this plan by heart, it was the ship they were supposed to intercept and board._

"_Have you ever led a squadron to battle captain?" the colonel asked him._

"_Only in training, sir."_

"_Well you're about to have your first experience then." Seeing the puzzled look on his subaltern face the colonel clarified his thoughts "Due to unforeseen circumstances Major Lorey will not lead this mission, as the next ranking officer you'll be the one taking his place." Nothing appeared on Lee's face to indicate the tumult of emotion that was waging a war in his head. _

"_Yes sir. But sir, with all due respect, we'll still be a pilot short."_

"_No you won't. One of "the best pilots of the fleet" and I quote will join the team. It's short notice but I have been assured that in the sky nothing can beat her. She won't board the ship as she is not trained enough for it but she'll stay in the sky to cover your asses during the boarding operation." A sense of forbearing installed itself in the pit of Lee's stomach as soon as he heard the words "best pilot in the fleet" and "she". _

_His intuition__ was confirmed the moment he saw entering the room a blond soldier in full combat gear._

"_Lieutenant Kara Thrace reporting as ordered sir."_

* * *

_TBC..._


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

She was in the process of changing Adria's diaper when the alarm setting the ship in condition one, started blaring. She finished her task and secured the baby in her arms, clutching her hard against her chest. What the hell! This ship was supposed to be a museum in a week; she was not ready to fight any kind of battle. Either someone was playing a prank on them or something was really wrong.

Adria, sensing her mother's unease, tensed in her arms. "Hush, hush baby girl, everything's ok. Mommy is here." She said kissing her temple soothingly.

The P.A beeped and the commander started talking. "This is the commander. Moments ago this ship received word of a cylon attack against our home worlds is under way…"

Good Lords! So the cylons had gone out of hiding. It should have surprised her but during her time with the delta force she had seen signs of cylons' activities near the colonial's borders. Unfortunately all the data concerning the cylons were classified and none of the questions she had dared to ask had been answered. She had only been left with suspicions.

"Amiral Nagala has taken personal command of the fleet aboard the battlestar Atlantia following complete destruction of Picon fleet headquarters in the first wave of the attack. How, why, does not really matter now. What does matter is that as of this moment, we are at war."

'We are at war and I am on a battlestar with a baby' she thought torn between the desire to climb into her viper and go shout cylons out of the sky and the gut wrenching need to protect her child. Adria needed at the least one of her parent to stay alive. And her father was out there, alone, escorting a government transport with a viper Mark II witch might not even be properly armed. What chances did he have?

She wanted to scream 'this is not fair we are finally happy!' She wanted to be with him, to fight by his side, to be his wing man once again. But their daughter came first; Adria's survival was her top priority. Her dilemma was resolve when it occurred to her that right now the best way to protect her baby was to make sure that the ship she was on survived the fight.

She picked up the bag she had prepare for their sojourn here and started for sickbay. She would let Adria in one of the nurses' care and ask to be included in a squadron. After all she was one of the best pilots of the colonial fleet.

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"Lieutenant, where the hell were you?! The commander wants to see you!"

"Show me in then, petty officer!"

She walked confidently in the CIC and stood at attention in front of the commander.

"Commander, ready for duty sir."

"Where is Adria, Kara?" She was taken aback by this question. Up until now William Adama had never shown any interest in his grand daughter. At least to her knowledge.

"A nurse is watching her in sick bay, sir. It's the safest place of the ship for her to be." She replied defensively.

"Good. I need you in the sky. I am putting you in charge of the remaining squadron." It surprised her that after all that had been said and done he was giving her a command. But they were at war and the commander could be a magnificent bastard when he wanted to but he also was an officer. And an officer always put his personal issues behind him in order to get the job done. And right now she was the best for the job.

"How bad is it sir?"

"They achieved complete surprise and we're taking heavy losses. We've already lost a quarter of the fleet. I need pilots and I need fighters."

"Pilots you got. There are twenty of them climbing the walls down in the ready room. But fighters…"

"I seem to remember an entire squadron of fighters down on the starboard hangar deck yesterday."

"Yes Sir. We'll get them ready and in the sky as soon as possible"

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_Not quite a year and a half ago_

_He was mad, no, check that, he was furious. What was she doing here? She knew how dangerous being part of this unit could be, what would he say to his brother if something happened to her? What would he do if something happened to her?_

_After an hour spent lifting weights and punching a bag with his bare fits he still felt the urge to wring her neck. He wanted an explication and he wanted it now. Unfortunately he had no idea where she was. He had left her with the Colonel who wanted to see her skills in the cockpit for himself. He assumed that she would spend the little time they had left before the mission being brought up to date with the various details of the plan._

_He entered his quarter without glancing around, removed his shirt and pants and rummaged inside his locker in search of a towel. Sweat was dripping in his eyes, his hair was damp and his muscles were aching. A good workout session had been what he needed after all. He leaned his forehead against the cool metal of the locker and rubbed his neck finally felling the tension draining from his body. _

"_Not that I don't appreciate the view Apollo but could you turn around so we can talk?" He jumped around his gaze focusing on Kara. She was lounging on his bed propel against his pillow as if she owned the room. _

"_What are you doing here?" The urge to throttle her was back. She gave him a blank look. He slammed the looker shut making her wince. "What the frack are you doing here!" he yelled._

"_I couldn't very well let you have all the fun!" She smirked, not even moving from her spot on the bed. _

"_It's not fun! It's hell, it's dangerous, it's nothing but fun! Gods Kara I thought you had more senses than that! How am I supposed to focus knowing that you're here next to me, in danger! Knowing that you might get killed because of me?" He racked his hand in his hair. He was almost shaking with rage. _

_Kara got up and went to him almost warily, she was no longer smiling. She put her hand on his bare chest, right above his heart. Lee did not flinched away; the skin to skin contact seemed to appease him. She stayed silent willing him to make eye contact feeling his chest expending under her palm with each shaky breath he took. Time passed she did not know how long but he finally looked at her. _

"_Before leaving you told me that you would never prevent me from leaving my life to its fullest even if it was dangerous. Well that's what I am doing now Lee and don't you dare go back on your word." He looked away._

"_It's not your choice Kara. You're here out of a misplaced sense of responsibility toward me. I don't need you to watch my back! I never asked you to come. I needed to do this for myself and for myself alone!" He turned his back on her, put his pants on jerkily and grabbed his shirt. "You'd better tell the Colonel you've change your mind, we'll find another solution." When he reached the door he added "Go back to Zak, Kara. He needs you, not me." _

_He__ had obviously meant to hurt her, to push her away. But she had braced herself for this kind of reaction. She had known he would not welcome her with open arms, but when she had been asked to join the unit she hadn't been able to refuse. And she no longer gave a damn what it looked like. She had stopped analyzing her feelings for the Adama's brothers. What she knew was that she needed to make sure Lee was ok, if not for him then at least for her peace of mind, the last month of unrest and worry had shown her that._

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_TBC..._


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

_A year and three months ago_

_Gods, it felt good to fee__l the sun on his face. It felt good to be an anonym face in the middle of a crow on a Sunday morning with no orders to follow. What was even more heavenly was the smell of real coffee and beacon that was escaping from the plate in front of him._

_Lee closed his eyes and savored the simple pleasure of being alive. Their last mission had been a tough one. They had lost two of the team members in an explosion and several others were wounded. As a result they had been given some much needed down time. _

_After spending two days sleeping in his very own bed he had received a call that had induced him to venture out. It seemed that his little brother was planet side and his mother wanted Lee to check on him. Zak was no longer a boy but his mother couldn't help but worry about him. Something that had always annoyed Lee since she never called to see how he was doing, she only called to ask him a favor witch was usually related to his brother. _

_But Lee was a dutiful son and he had learned to over look his mother's fault over the years. Just as he had dealt with his unhappy childhood: with each new disappointment he burrowed his anger and resentment deeper, becoming cooler and developing a tighter control on his emotions._

_He paid his bill winking at the pretty young waitress that had flirted with him ever since he had arrived at the restaurant. Nothing would come of it but it was nice to see that he was still able to attract women. _

'_She looks a little like Kara must have looked when she was in high school' he thought. He really was one track minded, no matter what the subject he always ended up thinking of Kara. It must be a withdrawal symptom. He was missing her, he had gotten used to having her close by twenty four hours a day and he had not seen nor heard of her since they had stepped on the planet. _

_Did she even know that her boyfriend was nearby? They had not seen each other in over a year and to his knowledge they did not communicate much so I seemed less than likely. He should do the right thing and tell his brother t__o go see her, but he did not feel that charitable at the moment. He felt petulant, like a child who decided that if he couldn't have a toy then no one else would have it. _

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_Zak had quarters at the academy. It was a temporary arrangement in between two deployments. His relationship with Kara had been kept pretty quiet because of its illicit status and even after Zak had washed out of the academy, they had not flaunted it to the world and so they had never lived together. _

_Lee knocked on the door. "Zak, it's me, Lee! Open the door." He could hear noises coming from the room. But no one answered him. He knocked again, louder this time. _

"_Come on Zak, I know you're here." The door opened. A small brunet half naked, draped in one of Zak's tee shirt stood in front of him. _

"_Zak is in the shower. You're his brother, aren't you?" Lee could only nod. He was already seeing red._

"_Come in. He'll be out in a few minutes." She walked back in. He entered, closed the door and looked around. His suspicion was confirmed by the state of the bed. He clenched his fist so hard that the tip of his nails almost pierced his skin. His brother had often screwed up and up until now he had always been there to help him clean up the mess. But this time he would be the one to kick his ass and even more to beat him to a bloody pulp._

_The girl had put on some clothes and was preparing herself to leave. "It was nice meeting you captain. Zak talks a lot about you" she gave him a mocking smile "you're obviously less talkative but I am sure you're as wonderful as Zak says." Good lords, the girl had some nerves. He did not bother to answer and went to sit on the couch._

_When Zak finally walked in the room Lee had gone from being furious to cold anger. He only acknowledged his brother by staring at him with disdain._

"_Is that how you great your brother after almost a year without seeing him?" Zak asked cheerfully. _

"_That's how I great a cheating bastard. Or have you broken things up with Kara without telling me? I thought that you loved her, that you wanted to marry her!" Lee answered. _

"_I love her Lee. But do you really think that she's led a celibate life during the last year? If so then you're either really naive or you don't know Kara Thrace." Lee kept on looking at him with a mixture of disappointment and disgust "You know nothing about our relationship Lee. What gives you the right to judge me?" _

"_Kara is my friend, that's what gives me the right to judge you. That's what makes me want to hurt you."_

"_Oh because you're such a role model yourself? You've never had a real relationship you stupid upright prig."_

"_No but I never cheated on my girlfriend either even if it was not serious. Gods, she loves you she trusts you even if you don't write or call. And she didn't cheat on you, I know it for a fact!" Zak looked away. His stance changed, he was no longer defensive but appeared defeated. _

"_Why are you here Lee?" The discussion was over it seemed. _

"_Mom called me and asked me to check on you." Lee scoffed "She didn't even asked if I was ok. So here I am, on one of my rare day off thinking I was going to spend a couple of hours catching up with my brother and instead I found that someone was already taking good care of him." He went to take his jacket._

"_Lee… I am… I am sorry, ok? But I haven't seen Kara in over a year…"_

"_Yeah? And whose fault is that Zak? If you had kept up with her you might have known that she's here this week!" He opened the door. "I'll tell mom you're ok. Take care Zak." He left walking briskly not trusting himself to not become physical if he stayed a moment longer in the room._

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_Kara was standing in front of her wal__l, staring at it with a puzzled look. Something was missing but she couldn't pinpoint what. She played with the brush in her hand, splashing drops of paint on her shirt in the process. But she didn't take notice of it as she had not taken notice of anything not related to her painting in hours. She would not rest till she was satisfied with the result. _

_She didn't know what sprung __her need to paint but when it overtook her nothing else in the world mattered. She could immerse herself in her work and forget all her worries. When she had left the ship for down time she had badly needed to clear her mind, two month of proximity with Lee had done that to her. _

_His initial anger at her had barely abated with __time; he had ignored her through most of their time together only talking when strictly necessary. But the last mission had breached a hole through his carapace, seeing death from up close tended to do that to people. He had come looking for her and they had talked, seated close to one another and sharing a bottle of ambrosia. _

_They had lost friends that day and had needed to find comfort in the fact that they were both alive and well__, even if a little bruised. She had fallen asleep on the floor her head on his shoulder feeling safe and at peace. But in the morning he was gone, leaving her even more confused than before._

_She was coming to the realization that she would soon have to make a choice: breaking things up with Zak and give a chance to whatever she had with Lee or staying with Zak and stop all contacts with Lee. _

_Taking a few steps back she once again examine her work and came to the conclusion that she needed a brighter shade of red. She put a pair of snickers on, grabbed her vest not bothering to change her closes since no one cared enough to comment on her appearance. _

_But when she opened her door she found Lee blocking her way. _

"_I can't get you out of my head. I need you." Was all he said but at that moment she made up her mind. She grabbed his hand and raised it to her lips. "I need you too." She kissed his knuckles "I need you too." And then she led him inside, her need for red paint completely forgotten._

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Present time

The Galactica was burning; she had not been able to protect the ship from the nuked head. And she was powerless to do anything but pray that her daughter was ok, that she wouldn't loose everything that mattered to her in one day.

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TBC...


	8. Chapter 8

Author notes: Sorry for the delay but I am quite busy with my studies at the moment and don't have much time to write. Hope you like this chapter.

**Chapter 8**

It was a nightmare. He was going to wake up any moment and realize that the last few hours had not happened. That his wife and daughter were safe on Caprica and that he would soon be with them.

He rubbed a hand against his face. He didn't have the luxury to wallop in misery. He had rescue operations to coordinate, people to save. He gave himself a mental shake and went back to the cockpit.

"Do you have family on one of the colonies, Captain?" The pilots asked him suddenly.

"My mother and future stepfather are on Caprica." Ha answered quietly "My wife and infant daughter are aboard the Galactica as well as my father and brother."

"My whole family is on Picon, they live in a small village…" It obviously was too much for him, he swallowed hard and shook his head "Anyway with what has been done here we might have saved the family of a few people.

Their conversation was interrupted by the arrival of the newly appointed president of Colonies.

Lee gave her his place behind the pilot and took the encrypted message witch had just arrived.

_To all colonial unit__s I am taking command of fleet. All units ordered to rendezvous at Ragnar anchorage for regroup and counter-attack. Acknowledge by same encryption protocol. Adama"_

So his father was now in charge of what remained of the colonial fleet. Then he realized what the other part of the message meant for him, he would be able to join Kara and Adria aboard the Galactica. By Gods he would do anything to know that they were safe even if it meant that they would abandon thousands of civilians unprotected at the cylons' mercy.

The president had taken the sheet of paper from his hand and read it when he had failed to do so out loud.

"Captain Apollo, please inform commander Adama that we are currently involved in rescue operations and we require his assistance. Ask him how many hospital beds he has available and how long it will take him to get here."

"I, uh…"

"Yes?"

"I am not sure he's going to respond very well to that request."

"Then tell him this comes directly from the president of the twelve colonies and it's not a request." As if it would help Lee thought privately it would only enrage him more.

"Yes sir. And sir… Appolo is just my call sigh. My name is Lee Adama."

"I know who you are. But Captain Apollo has a nice ring to it, don't you think?" she answered him with a smile.

"Then you should also know that my wife and daughter are aboard the Galactica." It was a simple statement but the way he said it implied that his loyalty was first to those two people and thus to the Galactica. The president had understood that. She had been about to leave but closed the door once again and fixed him with a cold stare.

"We all have people out there, in danger or even already dead, Captain. All of us would give anything to have news, to know that our loved ones are safe. But it's a war Captain, a war we've lost. And right now our priority is to save as many human beings as possible. As a colonial officer it's your duty to protect those people and hope that other officers will do the same for your family. Do we understand each other Captain?"

"Yes madam, we do." The woman sure knew how to deliver a lecture.

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'I am alive' was the only thing his numbed mind could register after the attack. They had survived a cylon strike.

Someone lifted him up, asked him if he was ok and all he could think was 'I am alive, we need to leave as soon as possible, and we need to find the Galactica' He thought out loud.

"I agree with you Captain, we'll leave as soon as the evacuation of the civilian liners is over"

His mind was getting clearer with every second. They could not afford to wait another hour, every minutes they stayed at the same location was a minute closer to their annihilation.

"With all do respect Madame president the cylons now know where we are and they're bound to discover we tricked them sooner or latter. We need to move now!"

"There are still thousands of people on the sublight ships. We cannot leave them behind."

"Madame President, as you so eloquently put it; our first priority is to save as many human beings as possible. If we leave we will save close to 50000 people. However if we stay we will all die for sure. It's no longer a question of leaving people behind; it's about sacrificing a few for the survival of the whole. It's about the survival of the human race."

They had reached the main cabin and several passengers were arguing, pleading for pity. But their opinions did not matter; the only one that mattered was the one of the middle aged woman in front of him. He had come to respect and like her. She would make the right decision.

"Quiet! All of you! Captain, give the coordinates of the rendez-vous point to the fleet. We'll continue the transfers up to the very last moment." It had cost her. He could read the tension on her face. She had just taken the first difficult decision of her mandate as the President of the Colonies. It would not be the last, unfortunately.

He would remember for the rest of his life the desperate call for mercy coming from the ships witch could not make the jump. He had had to make hard choices during his time with the delta force but the repercussion of those choices had never had this magnitude. He closed his eyes and ordered the execution of the jump and could almost hear the screams of the thousand of souls being ripped from the world.

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As soon as her viper had landed she had once again become a mother. She knew that there had been massive loss. She also knew that her child was not one of the casualties. She had asked.

"Lieutenant what did you do to my viper?" She took a look at the damages.

"I wondered why the engine gave out."

The chief said something to one of his man then addressed her once again "I don't know how you managed to fly this thing much less land it."

"It's not something I want a think about now. And where is Prosna? He's gotta get that fracking gimbal locked or I'll have his ass….."

The chief looked at her strangely. "He's dead sir. He died in the fire"

"How many did we lose?"

"Eighty five"

"Right" She turned around intending to get to sick bay as soon as possible and gather her daughter in her arms. However the chief called her back.

"Oh Lieutenant … I don't know if you heard about Apollo but…"

"Heard what?" As soon as she saw his face her world started crumbling down around her. But she put on a brave face; she was a soldier she could not afford to fell apart. Soldiers never showed their grief.

"His ship was blown up by a cylon raider a few minutes ago." Lee was dead. Good gods her husband was dead. The man she loved was… No! She would not grieve now. She could not believe that the vibrant, warm man that had almost ravaged her a few hours ago in a cell, did no longer exist.

She looked away trying to get her breathing under control. Her face contorted into a grimace, tears threaten to spill. She ran her tongue across her lips baring her teeth in the process.

"Any word on Sharon?"

"No sir"

She left the hangar bay and went straight to sick bay where she found the baby screaming her head off surrounded by severely wounded man, the smell of burned flesh rending the atmosphere almost unbearable. The sight of her innocent child in so close in contact with death finally made her snap.

She picked up Adria and ran out, not even trying to sooth the child. She reached the officers' quarters and frantically opened each door trying to find an empty room.

When she finally did, she huddled in a corner rocking back and force, great sobs racking her body. Adria sensing her mother distress quieted down and solemnly regarded her with the piercing blue eyes belonging to the father she would never know.

'All that mattered now was this child, the only thing she had left of Lee' Kara thought exhausted after having shed what seemed like every tears of her body.

The Galactica executed a faster than the light jump. Adria not one bit fazed by this new experience, nuzzled against her breast whimpering.

"You hungry, hum?" She removed her flight suit and began to feed her.

"I guess it's just you and me now kid." She reached into the bag containing her belongings withdrawing two statuettes. "Lords of Kobol hear my prayer. Take the souls of your sons and daughters lost this day especially that of Lee Adama, my husband, my love, my soul mate, into your hands."

* * *

TBC... 


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

_A year and three months ago_

_Lee woke up with a smile on his face, happy. He stayed perfectly __still, enjoying the warm weight of Kara's head on his chest. The sun had gone down: they must have slept all afternoon. _

_He run his free hand on her bare, smooth back, kissing the top of her head from time to time. At some point he realized she was awake. She didn't talk, she didn't open her eyes either, but her thumb rubbed his torso._

"_Hey you"_

"_Hey back" she answered. _

"_Sle__pt well?"_

"_Hum, never better" She had raised herself above him and was running a finger on his left ear while the other caressed his hair. She seemed content, like a lazy cat that had just enjoyed a nap near the chimney and was looking forward to a good meal._

_He raised his head and initiated a deep slow kiss. After a while he flipped her on her back, Kara's breathing had quicken she was urging him on, impatient. But he was determined to take it slow this time. He would torture her until she was out of her mind with desire._

_After she had threaten to kill him for the third time and __then started begging he finally relented and gave her what she wanted._

"_Gods Lee" she breathed "Don't stop!" She dug her nails in his shoulder; he bit her lower lips in retaliation and increased his pace. He felt her stiffen, her back arched of the bed, her face fixed in pure ecstasy. Soon he was following her in heaven. _

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_For a while she had completely forgotten about the outside world. __They had spent the day talking, making love and sleeping. It was the first time she had ever spent so much time alone with a men. _

_Before Zak it had always been quick tryst__s or one night stands with perfect strangers and with Zak they had always been on their guard, thus never spending more than a few hours at a time together. Keeping a secret was fun and exiting at the beginning but it soon put a damper on a relationship. _

_Lee was taking a shower and she found herself alone confronted with all her doubts and insecurities. She had never felt such strong feelings for a human being. _

_She loved Zak and she suspect that she always would. He was sweet, carefree and when he wanted something he went for it. He had pursued her for months before she had relented and accepted to go on a date with him. He had put up with so much, made her fell wanted and cherished. Sure they had had their share of problems but all in all he had made her happy._

_But with Lee it was… She couldn't put words on it. It was overwhelming. Lee had been a friend for a long time, he knew her better than anyone else but he didn't always understand her. They could butt heads and hurt each other badly. If he wanted to he could destroy her with just a few words. _

_The intensity of her feelings scared her __almost to the point of panic. She wanted to run in the other direction, push him away. _

_She was on the verge of loosing it, grabbing her coat and walking away when Lee appeared in front of her, a towel on his hips, his hair wet and a boyish grin on his face._

_She realized at this moment that he was happy. That she had made him happy. She was completely lost, the need to protect herself from harm and the need to protect him creating an unsolvable conflict in her. _

_°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°_

_As soon as h__e saw the bewildered expression on Kara's face he knew that something was really wrong. Was she having second thoughts? It wouldn't surprise him. _

_Bracing himself for a difficult discussion, he asked "What's up, Kara?"_

"_I…__Damn it Lee!" She stammered turning away from him. "What did we do? We're in the same line of command; they could bring up charges against us. We could be kicked out of the fleet…" _

_He positioned himself right behind her, not touching her but so close she could not ignore his presence. "Cut the crap Kara! We both know it's not what is bothering you. You're always the first to buck the rules. So what's the real problem here?" he whispered in her ear._

_By pushing her to reveal her inne__r misgiving about what they had done, he was pretty much playing with fire. She could tell him to go to hell and he wouldn't have accomplished anything excepted upsetting her. She could simply leave him. But he was willing to take the risk because if he didn't take the bull by the horn now, she would eventually leave him. He needed to make her understand that he was with her and would try as hard as he could not to hurt her. _

_She was silent for a long time and he thought he had lost the battle. But she surprised him by finally answering "You have too much power over me."_

_He released the breath he had been unconsciously holding "I am scared too, Kara. I won't tell you it's going to be an easy ride, that I won't hurt you. Because it wouldn't be true, I can't promise this kind of things. What I can do however is tell you how happy being with you makes me and how miserable I will be if you decide that we're not worth it." She was staring at her wall as still as a statue. "Life is all about taking risks, Kara. Are you and me something worth taking such risks? That's the answer you need to find." _

_He kissed her nape and her shoulder, but she did not react. "We still have a week of down time;__ use it to decide what you'll do about us." He turned her around, she did not resist. _

_Cupping her face in his hands he gently kissed her forehead and her lips. It brought tears to her eyes. __He wanted to comfort her, take her in his arms and never let her go. But he needed for her to make the decision. It was the only way they would be able to build a future together._

_When he left her apartment she had not moved, she was still standing in front of her paint covered wall oblivious __to the world around her._

_°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°_

_A knock resound__ed in the still apartment. Someone was at her the door, well they would come back: she was in no mood to entertain. Curled up on her bed she just wanted to be left alone. _

_Her visitor however had other idea__s, when she did not answer after a few minutes of reasonable knocking he started pounding on the door. She ignored it._

"_Kara! Kara, you're in there?!" She knew that voice. Good Gods! Not today, not after a year of almost silence. _

_She heard the sound of a key being introduced inside the lock and then of the door being opened. This forced her into action. She grabbed the first thing she could find to cover herself and tried to control the rising anger she felt at this invasion of her privacy, of this place that for a few hours had become hers and Lee's heaven. _

_He obviously was surprised to see her when he crossed the threshold and stared at her dumbstruck. _

"_You could never take a hint. It hasn't change I see." _

"_Kara" He whispered._

"_Zak, glad to see you still know my name after so long a separation." She responded sarcastically. _

"_Gods, it's good to see you."_

"_I didn't know you were in Caprica."_

"_Lee didn't tell you? I saw him yesterday. He was the one who told me you were around."_

"_Must have slip__ hid mind" Kara mumbled while trying to process the fact that Lee had known of Zak's presence in the city and told her nothing._

"_I…__" He reached out and settling his hands on her hips drew her to him. "I love you, Kara"_

_It felt awkward being held by him, but she had missed him she realized, so she reciprocated the embrace. _

_However when he tried to kiss her she turned her face away.__ But when he finally let go of her and she was able to look at him she saw a very confused man. What was she supposed to say to him? Glad to see you're ok, and oh by the way I just slept with your brother. _

"_I missed you too Zak."__ She said instead._

"_Doesn't seem like it!" _

"_What were you expected? We haven't seen each other in over a year and you haven't made a lot of efforts to keep this relationship going. I… We need time to get to know each other again." _

_She really was pathetic, she was the one who had betrayed him and now was blaming him for his lack of communication in order to push him away._

"_Time, Kara? It's exactly what we don't have. I am leaving tomorrow for a six month mission, and I am sure you'll be leaving pretty soon too. When do you suggest we find the time?" He passed a hand in his hair in a frustrated gesture. __"Why can't we enjoy the next few hours as we used to?"_

"_I can't. I've changed Zak. I need more than that." _

_He was silent for a while. "All right, I've already wooed you once, I'll do it again." He said pretty confidently. "Would dinner at eight be convenient?" _

"_Yes."_

_A few hours latter Kara passed out on her bed, quite alone and completely drank after a night in town. _

_°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°_

TBC…


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Present time

Adria was sleeping peacefully in her arms. Her rosebud mouth opened from time to time and a little snort escaped from it. Kara wished she too could escape her grief in the realm of dreams where Lee was alive and none of the event of this day had ever happened.

She had been walking aimlessly ever since the ship had reached Ragnor. No one had bothered her. They all had more important things to do. They had duties to perform. At some point it occurred to her that as a pilot she might be expected to do something too. But right now it all seemed so minim compared to the loss of her husband, that the rest of the human race could be annihilated in front of her eyes and she still wouldn't care. As long as Adria was safe she did not give a damn about the rest of the world.

She felt her throat constrict once again and faltered. Someone grabbed her shoulders and steadied her.

"Easy there Lieutenant. Wouldn't want the little one to get hurt!" It was the chief, looking at her with so much concern and so much understanding that she realized that maybe and just maybe, she might still care a little about a few people. After all she was not the only one to have lost someone that day. The chief had lost Sharon.

But she couldn't muster even the ghost of a smile. She just stared at him blankly before blurting out "How do you keep on going, Gaelen?"

"I don't. I do what I have to do because it's all I have left. I don't have time to think, so I don't break down." He fell silent for a while. He had a hand on the small of her back, stirring her toward an unknown destination.

"You might feel better if you were occupied, you know. And as it happens I have a viper which needs serious reparations"

He had walked her to the hangar deck. "Yours is over there." He didn't wait to see what she would do. As he had told her he had too much to do and not enough people to do it.

She looked down at her baby and her numb mind came up with the only thing that could have prompted her to do something, this viper could kill a few cylons and in doing so keep her daughter safe a little while longer.

So she bundled up Adria in a makeshift crib made of a tool case and baby blankets and got to work.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

He was back on Galactica. In the conference room Colonel Tight and the president were arguing but Lee had his mind firmly fixed on another matter. As soon as he had stepped back on the ship he had learned from the crew that everyone thought he was dead. He needed to find Kara and tell her he was ok. He was scared of how she had reacted to his supposed death. Kara was strong but… His musing was interrupted by the rising voices in the room.

"In the mean time however as the president of the colonies I am giving you a direct order…"

"You don't give orders on this ship!" The colonel's voice was rising.

"to provide men and equipments!" the president kept on ignoring the colonel.

Something in the colonel's ton alarmed Lee, pushing him to intercede.

"Hold on, colonel. At least give them a couple of disaster pods. There are 50 000 people out there and they went through hell. Fifty thousand people, who are sick, hurt…"

"We are at war Captain; we are not some kind of humanitarian organization."

"Good God Colonel we're talking of women and children, we're talking of what's left of humanity. Two disaster pods colonel, you can do that" His tone carried the exasperation he felt deep down with this man who wanted to save the colonies but had forgotten that what had made those worlds were its people.

For a moment a heavy silent fell on the room. The man in front of him studied him carefully. Lee knew he was not one of Tight's favorite people, so he awaited tensely the decision that was to come.

"Because you're the old man son and because he's gonna be so damned happy you're alive: ok." He said addressing Lee and then to the president "Two pods but no personnel. You get them yourselves and you distribute them yourselves. And you are all off this ship before we jump back" Moving to stand directly in front of Lee "You, report to the fly deck. You're senior pilot now Captain."

"Yes, Sir!" He had won but felt no sense of victory, only relief: he was free to seek out his wife and tell her that she was not alone, that he was alive.

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"Appolo? Is that really you?"

"Yeah, chief it's really me." He grinned, but the chief had become as white as a sheet. "Good god man, I swear it's me, Lee Adama. I am not a ghost."

"I…" the chief took a deep breath "I am the one who told her you were dead sir" he finally managed to say. Lee didn't react right away, he took a closer look to the chief searching in his face some reassurance. Finding none he asked:

"You're scaring me chief. She hasn't done anything rash, has she?"

"No, no sir, she is ok." He reassured him quickly "I mean she didn't hurt herself or anyone else. But she seemed so lost. Gods I am glad you're ok."

"Where is she?"

"On the hangar deck, I gave her work to keep her mind occupied. The baby is with her, she refused to let anyone take Adria away from her since your death. I mean your supposed death"

Lee felt a great weigh lift from his shoulders. "I'll go find her then. And chief I am not the only ghost you might encounter, Sharron arrived with me, she is alive and well."

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

He watched her working a tender smile grazing his lips, his heart beating wildly in his chest. Suddenly he wanted to crush her in his arms; he resisted the impulse and simply said:

"Hey" She stopped working and stared up at him. Time stopped as they studied each other. She took his hand and he pulled her up. The simple contact already overwhelming her, she kept quiet.

He smiled and run his thumb on the back of her hand. Suddenly she was furious, how dare he smile when she had been through hell, when he was supposed to be dead?

"I thought you were dead."

"Well I am glad you're not in hack" he replied teasingly. But he knew her and instantly saw the change in her posture. She was going to hit him. He quickly caught both of her wrists and drew her whole length against his. She struggled, her fury apparent.

"You were supposed to be dead your mighty bastard. How dare you, how dare you?" He didn't answer, just held her even closer and let her rent. "How can you tease? How…" Her voice was starting to crack great sobs wreaking her. Soon she was completely still in his arms, breathing heavily.

He released her slowly to look into her face. "I thought you were dead, gods I thought you had left me"

"I am alive, Kara. I am sorry you had to go through that, so sorry." He cupped her check and brought her mouth to his. She melted into his kiss. When they broke apart she said tearfully "It's… It's good to be wrong."

"Well you should be used to it by now." He teased, all the while caressing her check soothingly.

"Everyone has a skill." She grinned.

Once again they were lost in one another. Their daughter scream brought them back to reality.

Lee went to the crib and picked her up "You don't like to be left out little one, do you?" he position her in his arms so she could see him "Hello Adria, hello my love." She gurgled and he laughed. "I am glad that you love me too baby girl." He put her on his shoulder rubbing his hand on her small back smelling her sweet baby sent.

"So I guess you're the new CAG now." Kara told him rubbing her arm obviously uneasy.

"Yeah, that's what they tell me" He replied cautiously

"That's good. It's the last thing I want, not a big enough dipstick for the job."

His wife was definitely back. "I thank you for the compliment sweetheart" He gave her Adria. "I'll be in the squadron ready room if you need me."

"Lee wait!" he turned around "Does your father know you're still breathing?"

He scoffed "I… I let him know"

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TBC...


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

_A year and a few months ago_

_When she had first arrived aboard the Galactica she had been so pissed._

_She had come back from her down time to discover that her unit had been dissolved and all of its members reassigned. The Colon__el had told her that her ex-CAG aboard the Atlantia did not wish to have her back: she was too much of a liability. _

_But __someone had specifically requested her, a certain Commander Adama. Why? She had no idea, he had never seen her fly, had never even met her. The only explanation she had been able to come up with was that Lee had interfered so she would still be able to fly. However when she had asked to see Lee the Colonel had told her that he was not allowed to reveal the Captain present whereabouts. And she had understood all there was to know: he, contrary to her was still part of a delta force unit. _

_She had been so mad and hurt, so sure that he had plotted to have her out of the force that during her first weeks aboard the old lady she had been completely wild. The hack had become her second home. She had come to blow with the XO more than once but the CAG having quickly realized her potential as a pilot had never suspended her. _

_So in the space of three weeks she had acquired quite a reputation and it was not a surprise when one morning she was summoned to the Commander's office._

"_Lieutenant Thrace reporting as ordered" Kara snapped a salute and stood at attention in front of the man who had fathered the two most important men in her life. _

"_At ease Lieutenant. Have a seat please." The commander told her indicating the couch. She stayed quiet; observing him trying to discover what was hidden behind his stern, scared face._

"_It has come to my attention that your behavior since your arrival aboard my ship has been quite unprofessional to say the least. You are however an amazing pilot and I'd hate to have to be the one clipping your wing." He paused then, letting the information he had just disclosed sink in. "I trust you understand what I am saying Lieutenant?" _

"_Yes sir, quite clearly sir." _

"_Good. I won't say anything more then." He stood up and she suddenly thought that Lee had been right all along, his father was a cold bastard. She was at the door when he added "Oh and Lieutenant, my son will be there at the end of the week, try not to be in hack for his visit, will you."_

_Her heart slammed against her chest. L__ee would be there in a few days. She would finally be able to get her explanation and give him a piece of her __mind__. And maybe, just maybe give him her answer and frack him senseless afterward. _

_Her decision__ had been taken a long time ago. For once she had taken Lee's advice and done a serious introspection while on Caprica. She had realized that it was too late to back away: he might have the power to hurt her like no one else ever would but not being close to him, with him, was a torture in itself. And the way she had felt the last few weeks had only confirmed what she had already known._

_A smile, a real smile lit up her face for the first time in a month. "I'll be there to great Captain Adama Sir" _

_And for the first time since her arrival she __was not drunk when she finally crawled in her rack that night._

* * *

_Kara Thrace left his quarter __but he was left with a sense of forbearing. _

_She was not quite beautiful__ but there was something in her that would have drawn men to fight duels over her in ancient times: a mixture of strength and vulnerability, intelligence and laughter. _

_Zack had worshiped her as his instructor, talking of her whenever he had the opportunity. Even after being washed out of the academy Kara had stayed one of his principal subjects of conversation. He had always suspected that there was something more to their relationship but he had never asked. _

_What he had not been aware __of was that she knew Lee and obviously quite well. Her face had lit up when he had referred to his son and she to his great surprise she had automatically assumed that it would be Lee not Zack. _

_This left him puzzled and uneasy. In other circumstances he would have liked her. A hot headed pilot who bucked the rules and flew like a mad woman was the kind of soldier he particularly appreciated. But as a father he could not like her, something was going on and someone was bound to get hurt. The man that would bind her heart to his would be a happy man indeed but she would break a few other hearts in the mean time. And he hoped his sons would not be one or two of those broken hearts._

* * *

_Zack observed her viper as it flipped and turned performing a basic__ dodging maneuver. It was fascinating the way she was in complete command of her ship, it seemed so easy and yet he had never managed to do so._

_He had no idea how she would welcome him. He still had a bitter taste of their last encounter; she had been so distant, not letting him touch her physically or emotionally. Almost a stranger. But then they had not seen or talk to one another in a year, it was to be expected. Her presence aboard the Galactica would ensure that they see each other quite often and reestablish a steady and serious relationship. He'd stop his wandering and commit to her._

_Suddenly something changed in her flying, he could not pinpoint what__. She turned her viper around and came back to the ship right in the middle of an exercise. Something was definitely wrong, very wrong, Kara was no quitter._

* * *

"_We're giving her anti-emetic drugs and hydrating her. She'll have to be monitored for a while since we have no way of knowing if she inhaled. Her other injuries are minor, she was lucky with the way her bird looked after the crash it could have been much worse"_

"_Do we know__ what is causing this?" Zack asked._

"_Yes. But I'll need to talk to her before releasing the information to her superior officer. She'll tell you if she wants. I however won't." He wanted to tell him that he was her boyfriend and that surely he was as entitled to know what was ailing her as her superior but after seeing the look on Doc Cottle's face, he refrained from doing so._

"_Can I at least see her?"_

"_She is sedated but as long as you do not disturb my nurses' work you're free to go."_

_He sat next to her bed studying her features, she was ashen, bruised and scratched but she was alive. Gods, she might have died in that bird today._

_At some point she started to trash around mumbling unintelligibly. He tried to sooth her restraining her hands so she would not reap of the IV line. The Doc arrived pushed him away and quickly injected her with something. She calmed down right away._

"_You should go son. Go get some rest." _

"_I'll go in a moment." Zack responded_

"_Right." The Doc said leaving the cubicle obviously not happy._

_Zack turned and dropped a kiss to her brow but she started to whisper once again. He leaned closer to catch what she was saying. "Lee? Is that you Lee?"_

* * *

"_Glad to see you're__ back with us Lieutenant" a voice coming from her right said "It's about time." The unmistakable smell of smoke told her who the owner of the voice was. She tried to talk, but her throat was so dry no words came out._

"_A nurse will be there in a minute to give you some water." He put a hand on her shoulder to indicate she should no move. "Since you're quiet for once I'll tell you what's happening and will be happening in the near future." He grabbed a stool and sat then carefully squashed his cigarette against his shoe. "That's not good for you." Now she really was confused, Cottle had never cared whether it was good or not for the patients if he smoked in their presence. _

"_First of all let me say that you're a very lucky young lady. You're battered and bruised but otherwise you sustained no real serious injury." Good she would still be able to fly. "But we must talk about the condition that got you so sick you were unable to land you're bird and made you throw up all over my sickbay for hours" Now he was worrying her and Cottle perceived the change "Don't worry it's nothing bad, some might say it's even good news" his tone had became very gentle " You're pregnant Kara."_

_Pregnant? She couldn't be pregnant. There was a mistake…__ But the Doc called her back to reality "I suppose it come as a choc to you?" Kara nodded "Well you know you still have choices: you can have an abortion or keep the baby, give it up for adoption or raise him or her as your own. This is not a death sentence." He stood up and patted her leg "You might want to inform the father, he could help you reach a decision. In the mean time it's bed rest and of course no flying, no smoking, no drinking." _

_She was stunned but she quickly realized that she did not need to think things over. She believed in the gods and it would go against her every belief to terminate the pregnancy. She might have considered abortion in other circumstances, if the father had been someone else, for instance. _

_A nurse arrived and gave her some mixed ice. It was enough for her to be able to whisper._

"_Doc? Could you locate someone in the fleet for a personal emergency?"_

"_It's possible… "_

"_Then could you please find Captain Lee Adama for me and please do not inform the commander, it's personal." Cottle seemed a little surprised "I'll see what I can do for you Lieutenant. Now rest, it's the best medicine I can prescribe for the moment" _

* * *

_Zack stood arrested behind the curtain separating Kara's cubicle from the rest of sickbay. So she was not really sick after all, just a whore who had forgotten how to prevent unwanted consequences._

_He felt furious and suddenly all the love he had ever felt for her became hatred. She had betrayed him with his brother, with the one person he had worshiped throughout his life, with the person ho had dared lecture him for having an affaire and had assured him she was as white as snow when he was actually fracking her._

TBC...

* * *


End file.
